I am getting increasingly nervous about teaching.
I'm starting to envision what it will be like more and thinking that I don't have what it takes ("Maybe this isn't God's will...") Thinking that I don't want to commit to the years of teaching I will have to, or the schooling I'll have to go back to. As I have more time to think, I'm starting to feel like I should back out of this whole residency thing...
The thing is, I was really excited about this a little while ago....not because I thought it was going to be easy and well-paying, effortless and with all the freedom in the world, but because I finally felt like I knew why I wanted to be there.
I believe that my passion/ purpose, is to help people or to serve people in need. That is something that I just feel very much about. It is definetly not my most favorite thing at every moment. it's not easy a lot of the time, but really God put in my heart a passion for people and especially people who are maybe at a disadvantage in some way.
(I just thought about this: I always loved this about my Dad, but he loves sports and instead of having one team he's always rooting for, he always roots for the underdog.)
I like that. it's in my blood.
...so instead of letting my fears take hold of this good thing that God may want me to be doing, I am trying to focus on the reasons I AM so excited, and expect that God will take care of those fears that I know I'll be faced with in time.
ALSO: I may move to Philly...
5 comments:
i think that almost every professional job is hard or intimidating at first. coming from college, you're so used to things, you have pretty much been able to breeze through with your eyes closed (at least for the later parts), and now you have to start something new with a learning curve and adjustment.
i think that you may have reservations about anything you decide to do, so focusing on what does make you excited about the residency is a good approach.
nice post.
philly- all the cool kids are doing it.
note: I've been in Philly for almost five years now. not a big deal. just saying- i set the trend. you were here five years ago too- but you left. so i get to claim the trend setting credit.
adjusting is typically uncomfortable huh?
it WAS me who decided on Philly first though, as I recall :)
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