Christmas time is no time, no time to diet. It's no time for watching your weight.

I'm waiting tables once again, and I can very easily say that I would like to get out of this as soon as possible. (hopefully, never to return again.)

Working at a restaurant would make some people more critical of the service they receive when they are dining out, but also more often makes people more understanding when things don't seem to run so smoothly.  I fall into the latter.

The good side:

having a job.

the people.

the bad side:

everything else.

Yesterday was a terrible night. One table, "29", was my hope and probably my only saving grace all night.   They were SO nice to me that I almost started crying at the table right in front of them.  I found out they love Jesus, and then I thanked God for loving them so much that they wanted to love me that night.

As the Gardening season is coming to the end and I'm working less for Mary, I am wondering what to do next.  It turns out I love greenery, but I am not too keen on Gardening for the people we work for, and the practices we use.   Finding myself again at the threshold of 'limitless' possibilities, I am excited (cause well, 'the World is my Oyster'), but scared and feeling rushed (cause the months go by so fast and life costs money, and what if I choose something and I love it, but I don't make any money)

---I know, I know. God will provide, I'm just saying, that runs through my head---

So maybe a job at a university? or echo? or editor of vogue magazine?

:)

Make me as the moon....

I think the moon was full last night.

I was surprised at how bright it was and remembered how none of that is from itself.  

It's funny....I like the moon a lot. I think about it and desire to observe it way more than the sun...and yet the brightness and the 'behavior' of the moon that interests me are all dependent on the sun. 

Speaking of moons:

I love baking.  Anyone got any good PIE Recipes?!? 

blow kisses to venus and mars.

Monica and Bill are Married!

what a freakin amazing occasion.

blush.

The other week at work I was stepping off the tailgate of the truck as we were all congregated to divvy up the afternoon work and my pants split.
There was a tear right across the bottom of my back pocket. There was no tape, nor an extra pair of pants. I was mortified.

Luckily you couldn't see my underwear, so I was forced to work cautiously.

I was struck with how comfortable all of us at work have become with each other. I'm glad I work with these people that can laugh with/at me all in good fun.

I have my reasons why

Almost an entire summer has passed since my last post!

I'm home alone after a day at the beach and I'm ready to go to bed.
I thought that I'd break this silence with just a brief post about anything I can remember:

• We've moved twice this summer.
• Ogden st. never felt like home.
• I "vacationed" with 10 girls in Cape May.
• It takes 6.5 hours to get from Cape May, NJ to Rockville, MD.
• The Chinatown bus will never come on time.
• Greyhound will always oversell their buses.
• I enjoy wake up Yoga.
• I need to get more sleep.
  

So on that note, I am going to bed.  

Good night.

The greatest guitar player in the World!

It has been a year since I've graduated college.

A whole year in "the real world" and I'm not where I thought I'd be at all. :)
I visited MD this weekend and on the way home from my trip I was lucky enough to ride with my little Lizzie. I think that the greater part of the ride we talked about getting older and how things are just NOT the same anymore.

For example:

Physically, I am just not the same anymore. Parts of my body which I never thought to take care of, are hurting, aching and just not working right.
I'm gaining weight in a new and different pace. I have to watch what I eat and exercise more than I've ever had to...well, I just never did before.
I may have arthritis and that freaks me out, because that's something I thought only grandparents dealt with. Ouch.

-vitamin supplements
-orthotics
-back supports
-knee pads
-medication

(Sounds sooo hip!)


I feel like sleeping more than I ever have before. Around 11pm I'm thinking, "wow, it's late. I should go to bed." Who would have thought that I'd ever think of going to bed that early? not me.

I think about the future a lot. Not so much about my 'settling down' but more about the things I am doing now and the effects they will have on me later down the road. What habits am I forming that I need to be careful about...cause as I've always been told by grown-ups, "There are consequences to your actions." Who knew? They were right. Lizzie and I talked about this in the context of the above mentioned physical ailments, but also in terms of children. Not only our future kids, but also we and our siblings as kids, and our parents whose actions and choices shaped who we are now; Choices about where to move and when to move, what schools to send your kids, what clothes to dress them in (or let them dress themselves), what to let them watch, what decisions to include them in, what to talk to them about. It seems like a lot of pressure to guide and make decisions for children, knowing that there ARE indeed, consequences to each decision that is made.

...I think this is "responsibility": Knowing the great challenge ahead, taking risks and owning up to every victory and mistake made.

I love my little Lizzie.

New plan

I was thinking about what I would do if my boss asked me to move to CA and help her grow medicinal marijuana...


....I hear it pays well.

Just stick to the cards.

There's a new baby around town.

I think Chom is having a hard time adjusting to the fact that we have a new addition to the family. She probably doesn't know that this is semi-permanent either. I'm really trying to make her feel special and just as loved...I want so bad for chom to love the little one and to "show her the ropes." That would just be incredibly precious.

speaking of little ones: I found a nest of baby bunnies in a garden while I was weeding today. I kinda disrupted the nest before I knew what it was, and so there was this pile of dried grass and cotton fibers that just kept hopping around for a while. It was so dern cute.

I've had this conversation a lot recently: almost anything small is CUTE.

anyways, I was their hero and saved their lives and now I hope they grow up to be strong and beautiful with lots of offspring.

"...there is a lawn. This is not a place where a lawn should exist naturally: so the lawn is an artificial object, composed from natural objects, namely grasses. The lawn's purpose is to represent nature, and this representation occurs as the substitution , for the nature proper to the area, of a nature in itself natural but artificial for this area. In other words, it costs money. The lawn requires expense and endless labor to sow it, water it, fertilize it, weed it, mow it."

(I think I still am not the biggest fan of lawns, but they are nice looking and keep me fed.)

Don't be a Pansy.

Do not be offended.
Pansies are strong.
They look delicate; they're pretty and bright, but I've learned that they are quite resilient. I'm a pansy for sure. :) haha

One thing you have to do to care for pansies, is "dead-heading".
This helps the Pansy to use it's energy to create and push forth new lively and beautiful flowers, instead of wasting energy on flowers that are on their way out or on stems that are making seeds.
I really like "dead-heading." I think it's one of my favorite things, along with pruning. They are often times tedious and slower paced tasks, but I enjoy the creative control and the steady pace at which you can work to see a bush or a flower become a more neat and prepared place for new growth.

The trees are leafing and buds are blooming...

If all goes well, there will be one more girl on our crew! YAY!

Forsythia

I'm slowly learning about plants and how to take care of a garden.

S-L-O-W-L-Y.

I've been scared recently, that I am actually slowing down whatever person I am working with, and I try, with all my energy, to 'keep up' with them, but it feels physically impossible. I suppose I should not be offended or feel bad when my boss doesn't ask me to do the same things that she asks the males to do, but I can't help feeling like I'm not doing well enough.

It is only my second week, so hopefully I will get faster as I learn more and get stronger. *sigh*

Today I didn't have to be strong. I rode with a foreman to NYC to do the planters at Anthropologie, but the planters had been taken away! So I looked around (seye was standing in the Ralph Lauren Window, at least it looked like him.) and we hopped right back in the car to head back.

Lady Liberty says, "Hi."

WIGGIN out

Today was my first job as a Gardener.

So far, it's ok. I can't decide if it's AMAZING or not yet...too soon to tell. The people seem cool though, and the work is new and outside!

Tonight we lit the "fire pit" on the deck again and I was overwhelmed at how blessed we are. It's probably the best deck in Philly. :)

I am behind, and never mind.

I feel like I am about to tell a lie, for it CANNOT be:

I have a job.
Still no insurance, but it is a job that I am sooo looking forward to learning from. My only hope is that I will not disappoint!

I am so thankful.

April Fooled YOU.

I was had, TWICE (and a half).

I'm pretty gullible.

I went to orientation for a community arts program today. I sang, acted, drummed, and described a mango. I felt really silly, but so did everyone else, I think. The co-founder entered the room to start off the session, beating a drum and chanting, "Listen to the drum, listen to the drum, listen to the Pounding drum..." She motioned to us to join in and slap our knees to the rhythm. I'm not going to lie, it took me a little while to forget some of my pride and join in with enthusiasm.

Now I must go join Fannie Price at the Ball held at Mansfield Park to find out who will win her heart.

some April fool jokes are just NOT funny. remember that.

Sunday, HAPPY Sunday.

I caught the flu this week. Also the pollen count was extremely high today...

But, What a beautiful day today was.

We had our first picnic of the year on the deck, with Chom on a leash.

I love my roomies. What a HAPPY day. :)

Answer me this....

Why won't anyone give me a job?? Yes, my pride is pretty shot now that Starbucks isn't showing any interest in hiring me either.

Maybe I'm just OVER-Qualified for everything. haha.

Home again, Home again, Jiggety Jig.

No one can lift the damn thing.

I am a Lazy Photographer. If you are sitting across from me, your picture will be taken.


Jordan!




JORDAN!

Andy and Farrell's wedding was beautiful. The location and everything in it was gorgeous, but more than that something that I saw between Andy and Farrell was what really made it for me. It could have been in a church basement and still would have been just as amazing. They really love and enjoy each other, and that love aides them in loving other people in a unique way. Listening to what their family and friends had to say about them was so incredibly moving. Yeah, I know I cry a lot, but really, it's a week later and just thinking about it STILL moves me.

2 more days till Haiti. :)

Tall-Order

Dear Thursday,

I was happy to have an interview even though I'm not too thrilled about the job I was interviewing for.
It looks as though I may be joining 2 of my friends in the mega corp. we all know and love (or love to hate.)

THE great big "Bux".

yep foaming lattes and brewing the joe...I must admit it's hard to be excited but I know I should be thankful, if I DO get the job.

WHO knew finding a job would be SO freakin hard! STAY in school kids! (wait, I did stay in school...)

love,

es.

Give it HERE Percy.

I am hungry.

Actually, I do not know that I am REALLY hungry as opposed to just desiring to consume food.

I decided to try fasting from food today, and I conceitedly told Monica that I probably would have to do so for more than one day. TURNS out, I think about food a heck of a lot.

I just walked Elizabeth home and was taunted by the information that she made cake! SHE MADE CAKE. I LOOOOVE cake...well I like pretty much everything consumable (Let's be honest).

I'm close to bedtime and I'm already salivating at the thought of oatmeal in the morning.

Goodness.

I'm going home this weekend for a wedding and to gather 'stuff' for Haiti. I'm excited to see my family.

In other news: Morimoto will not hire you unless you go through an extensive year-long, 108- people interview process. GOOD LUCK!

Dear Jeremy,

Joseph and Jack are the boys I babysit sometimes.

The end.

HAPPY Valentines DAY!

I Love you.

I greeted the morning with a table full of Valentines day goodies from my roommates.
Earlier this week Monica and I decorated deeeelicious cookies that she made. That really put me in the holiday mood....I love decorating baked creations.
This morning the lovely Kimbo-slice had left each one of us a little pink bucket full of chocolate treats donning the colors of this particular hallmark holiday, and there were cards and other sweet treats.... :)

...what a sweet day.

I spent the evening with two Valentines: Joseph and Jack.

At one point Jack was asleep on my shoulder and I was nestled into a comfy couch with the food network on in the background. Looking down at the little nugget and smelling the sweetness coming off of his soft skin, I was just overcome with calm and utter joy. What a beautiful little creature.

Baby, it's COLD outside.

It sure is.

Everything was so icy last night. I laughed so hard walking home from Heather's house with Monica because we were sliding down the slope of the side walk. It doesn't sound funny, but for some reason I was crying by the time I got home.

Yesterday I found out that I didn't get a job that I was hoping to get.

It was frustrating when I first found out and I was glad that Monica was home to talk to about it. After talking to her I was actually believing that it was a good thing that I didn't get the job. Leading up to that e-mail I was nervous to find the outcome because I knew that there was a chance that this was not really the ideal job for me right now, but I also knew that if I didn't get the offer then I'd feel badly. (If I got the offer there's no way I would have turned it down)I'm telling myself that I needed to be humbled.

Fortunately I had an interview Monday and it seems that I will be once again working in the food service industry...more specifically pf the Japanese Persuasion, AGAIN.

WHY?

I dread the thought of having a normal 9-5 job sitting in an office, but at the same time part of me wants to know I COULD have one, or just wants the experience. (Also I know it would put my parents at ease.) But who wants EASE??

I'm dreaming a lot these days...Hopefully not in vain.

Shhhh.....

"Perhaps, since their beauties were such that even a fool could not force them into competition, this cured me once and for all of the pernicious tendency to compare and to prefer - an operation that does little good even when we are dealing with works of art and endless harm when we are dealing with nature. Total surrender is the first step toward the fruition of either. Shut your mouth ; open your eyes and ears. Take in what is there and give no thought to what might have been there or what is somewhere else. That can come later, if it must come at all."

Lewis.


I have been reading the same book for too long. A thought I had though, was that I think it is impossible for me to "fly" through the book....so much of it has really spoken to me and I feel like I am cheating myself if I do not read this book slowly, no more than one chapter a sitting. I like it a lot. It SURPRISED me.

Sometimes.

Have you ever had your mind be so active that you can't really talk to people?

<3.

If you just realized, what I JUST realized

I think I am testing my roommate's patience:

She called me "Neurotic" tonight. :)

"Neurotic":

-according to Encarta: overanxious or obsessive: overanxious, oversensitive, or obsessive about everyday things ( often considered offensive )

-according to Wikipedia: "Neurotic", or affected by neurosis, has come to describe a person with any degree of depression or anxiety, depressed feelings, lack of emotions, low self-confidence, and/or emotional instability.

WOW...I suppose i should be careful about my neurosis. :)

We reorganized out bathroom...and it feels sooo good.
My mattress is on the floor right now and I'm thinking I want a frame.
Lindsay's stuff will all be gone this weekend... :(

Chom is turning into a 'cat'. Lately she's been staring at dirt...hmmmm.

...can't wait to sleep in a tent, on a roof. (YAY!)

Rice Pudding.

I came home to YOU:

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"This blog is for invited readers only. It doesn't look like you've been invited."
This is bulls**t...
a year ago, we were chillin in bed. I was driving you to work. I was getting you and Laura addicted to the office. We were drinking large quantities of cocoa with Alexis...you were painting walls and...welding things
um...I can't wait until the summer; I CAN'T...I will once again be able to soak in the simple pleasures of life
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

soaking in the simple pleasures of life....I like that. GOOD memories.

I hope to do that, Daily. Maybe that sounds idealistic...I hope for the ideal.

I have to apologize for the confusion. I am not making my blog private, at this point. I just kinda got scared about being "googled" by employers....NOT that I have anything to hide, it's just I guess I don't know how I am portraying myself on this blog...the people who read it usually KNOW me, so it's weird to think that someone who doesn't know me may be reading it...especially if they're researching a future hire...it makes me nervous. I figure: I am, who I am. :)

.. .. ..

I think I have a lot on my mind.

It didn't seem like it was more than normal, but I kept being asked if I was sad, or mad. No, I don't think I am.

I don't FEEL sad...just feeling like there's lots to do and lots to think about right now. LIFE is happening and I feel like it's going too fast for me...it has made me more quiet this week...made me argumentative with KR :) (I LOVE YOU!)

It kind of makes me want to fly to a beautiful but desolate place.
Some would call this "running away". haha. sometimes running away sounds sooo GOOD.

I'm realizing though, that running away won't really make it easier for me to figure things out; I'll still have to come back to life...

...and isn't that what it's all about? LIVING?

I just want to live life to the capacity that God gave me. "JUST". I say that like it's an easy thing to do.

on THAT note: I am Toying with the idea of nursing school again. YIKES!

MIA

"Sometimes I think sitting on trains
Every stop I get to I'm clocking that game
Everyone's a winner, we're making our fame
Bonafide hustler making my name.....bang bang bang."

It feels like I've posted recently, but that's because I think about posting way more than I actually sit down and do it.

I'm in MD taking care of mi madre and she's doing much better so I will be home soon, and VERY SOON. Being here has been an up and down emotional ride. My parents love me and I love them, but they never fail to be the "worried/concerned parent".
Needless to say I will NOT be moving home, against my parents immediate desires (Unless otherwise encouraged by a very influential force.)

Although my parents continue to overwhelm me, I believe that in some ways their stance is not completely in the wrong. They want for me to live life to the fullest and for me not to short change what can be done with the person He made me to be...They don't want me to live a mediocre life because I continue to dwell on the thoughts of what COULD be...

So I think I should resolve to take more action.

This is a familiar declaration.

hahahaha...all I can do is smile and keep going.

Seye mentioned school perhaps being a means to an end in life, and I think today I may have to jump on that wagon. Thank you for listening to me ramble Seye.

LOVE.love.Love.